Role Players, Arachnophobia, and Twisted Testicles

This is hardly breaking news, since it happened four days ago, but this so bizarre that I have to mention it. The Cubs have had quite an interesting Spring Training experience this year...with all kinds of whacko injuries. First Mark DeRosa goes down with the irregular heartbeat...then minor leaguer Jose Ascanio (acquired in the Will Ohman trade to Atlanta) goes down with a "bruised face" suffered in an armed robbery attempt (ouch!)...backup outfielder Daryle Ward has a "strained gluteus muscle," in other words a sore ass (no surprise, after all, he is a little chunky in the trunk)...and now we have the motherload of all weird injuries this year: our centerfielder is out day-to-day...with a TWISTED TESTICLE. I don't even want to know how he injured it. If you don't believe me, check this injury report from the Cubs website that lists all the funky afflictions of Cubs players this Spring. At least Soriano got hurt in a baseball related injury. And then you have all the weird shit like bruised faces and twisted testicles.

Dude. A twisted testicle??? You gotta be fuckin' kidding me.

We all know that baseball players are often susceptible to funky injuries. But for some reason, this always happens to the Cubs. Here's a top 5 list of all the weirdest, craziest shit that Cubs players have suffered from.

5. Kerry Wood's hot tub incident. Embarrassing.

4. Carlos Zambrano suffers a strained shoulder...after emailing his brother too many times. Huh.

3. Felix Pie's twisted testicle. Dude. How the hell do you twist a testicle? Don't answer that. I don't want to know.

2. Sammy Sosa injures his back...SNEEZING.

The most famous arachnophobe in baseball history: Glenallen Hill. Badass haircut, by the way.

1. Glenallen Hill's arachnophobia. Okay, he wasn't with the Cubs when this happened but I just had to put this on the list. Glenallen Hill, AKA the dude who hit the homerun ball onto the roof of a building across Waveland Avenue who also happened to be listed on the Mitchell Report, fell into a glass table after having a nightmare about spiders. Wow. Just wow. I'm speechless.

We all know the Cubs have the worst luck out of any professional sports team in this country, and these freaky injuries just take things to another level. Still, I have to say that I'm proud to be a Cubs fans, no matter how many bruised faces, sore asscheeks, twisted testicles, or other fucked up afflictions that this team has to suffer through.


Moving on to the NBA. The Celtics clinched a playoff birth last night with a win over the Pistons. I hinted in yesterday's entry what I think the key to the Celtics success is: role players. The key to establishing a successful NBA team is your role players. Guys who do what they are meant to do, nothing more, nothing less. Sure, having All-Star talent like KG, Allen, and Pierce is nice, but you need the role players, guys who specialize in one area, whether it's shot blocking, rebounding, defense prowess, or 3-ballin'. That's how the Bulls and Spurs were able to establish winning franchises: a good, deep rotation that has many solid specialists in addition to their top performers like Jordan, Pippen, Duncan, Robinson, Ginobili, etc etc. And this year, we see the Celtics and Rockets using role players to their advantage.

Guys like Rajon Rondo have been crucial to the Celtics' success this year.

In addition to the Big 3, the Celtics have had superb years from guys like Rajon Rondo, Glen Davis, James Posey, Eddie House and Kendrick Perkins. These guys aren't household names, but they are key to this team's success. Same with the Rockets, now winners of 16 straight. Sure you have T-Mac, but he's complemented by defensive stalwarts like Shane Battier, young, high energy forwards like Chuck Hayes, Luis Scola, and Carl Landry, and 3-ballers like Luther Head.

Shane Battier's veteran leadership and defensive prowess is another key to the Rockets' recent success

Just having a "big 3" isn't enough. Look at the New Jersey Nets the last few seasons. They had a big 3 of J-Kidd, Vince Carter, and Richard Jefferson. But their supporting cast wasn't strong enough to help them become an elite team. Having a solid starting 5 isn't enough. You need guys who can come off the bench and do what they specialize in on a consistent basis. They may not be household names or All-Stars, but they are crucial elements of building a good basketball team. Success in the NBA requires balance and specialization, and that's why the Celtics and Rockets are getting it done this year.

-Carson
3/7/08